English has one word for “you”. German has three: du, ihr and Sie. The choice is not only grammar. It tells the other person how you see your relationship with them, and it is one of the first things that confuses visitors to Germany.

The three words

  • du is informal and singular: you speak to one person you know well.
  • ihr is the plural of du: you speak to several people you would each say du to.
  • Sie is formal, singular or plural: you speak to one or more people you do not know well, or want to show respect to.

Formal Sie is always written with a capital S, and it takes the same verb form as the plural sie (“they”). The related words are capitalised as well: Ihnen and Ihr. At the start of a sentence you tell Sie (“you”) from sie (“she” or “they”) by the verb and the context.

Wie heißt du?

What is your name? (to a friend or a child)

Wie heißen Sie?

What is your name? (to a stranger)

The verb changes too, as you can see: du heißt against Sie heißen. These are personal pronouns in different persons, so each comes with its own verb forms.

Who gets du, and who gets Sie?

Du is used for family, friends, children, and pets. Young people usually say du to each other straight away, and so do people in many clubs, sports teams and online communities. Some workplaces also use du throughout, from the youngest to the boss, though many do not.

Sie is the default for adults you do not know: shop staff, doctors, officials, and people you meet in a business setting. It is also used with older people you do not know well, and with colleagues in more traditional workplaces.

If you are unsure, use Sie. Being a little too formal is rarely a problem, but saying du to someone who expected Sie can come across as disrespectful.

Switching from Sie to du

People do move from Sie to du as they get to know each other. The offer is traditionally made by the older of the two, or the one with the higher status, not the other way round. The verbs for this are siezen (to use Sie) and duzen (to use du).

Wollen wir uns duzen?

Shall we use du with each other?

If someone says Sie to you, answer with Sie as well until they suggest otherwise. Once you have agreed on du, it is usual to stay with it.

A quick summary

  • Friends, family, children, and most people your own age in casual settings: du.
  • A group you would each say du to: ihr.
  • Strangers, officials, customers and anyone you want to show respect to: Sie.
  • Not sure? Start with Sie, and let the other person offer du.